We are a little more than a month away from Ezra’s first birthday and I cannot fathom where the time went. The blog has been pretty quiet, but life has been loud as I watched my little bundle of joy grow into a one man wrecking crew. We’ve learned to crawl, clap, and how to manipulate every situation with his big blue eyes and the never ending babble of “dadadada…MUM.” I’ve cried with him, for him, and about him probably every day since he’s been born, but as I look back there are three things that really stand out for me as a first time mom.
1. The First Night Home
We were so excited to get home, we brought in the six million bags we accumulated over our hospital stay, we brought the baby in, set up my pumping station, broke out the swing, and then… we just sat. I remember staring at my husband and then staring at the baby, and not knowing what to do next. How did those nurses know I was qualified to take care of this tiny human? What if we broke him? Like most babies he slept a good chunk of the afternoon, so I showered, the husband went out to run the errands we put off for the week, and that was it, life resumed as normal. That first night home I don’t think I slept because I was so nervous Ezra for whatever reason was going to stop breathing, but here we are three hundred odd days’ later, kid still breaths at night. Looking back it, it seems so trivial, but in that moment there was no greater fear than somehow creating a complex for the poor kid. The first night home is one of the most memorable experiences because it marked a new beginning, finally my family was complete and our little man was finally here.
2. The First E.R. Visit
Thankfully, we’ve only had the one E.R. visit and fingers crossed that will be our last, but regardless it was unsettling and caught me by surprise one hundred times over. Back in November little man caught a cold which was a rough one for both him and us as parents, and as a medical semi-professional I always told myself I’d be calm and rational when the baby got sick… yeah that was a lie. I went out at 10PM to get a thermometer that reads forehead temperatures and immediately took Ezra’s, which was a 103, so my frenzied self immediately called the on-call pediatrician and within minutes my husband was bringing us to the ER. I didn’t even wait for a call back, didn’t think to swap him from Tylenol to Motrin, instead he was the life of the party in the E.R. as he smiled and giggled at every single staff member he met. They hit him with a dose of liquid Motrin and sent us on our way. I knew that he was still doing all of the normal baby things, yet in that moment I was horrified that he was deceiving us and secretly contracted some killer disease. That night at home was a rough one as he didn’t want to sleep, but we made it through. This again was the beginning of the chapter of reality sinking in, in a way our baby had been in perfect health for six months, and then it hit that he too was going to get sick, and that was a weird reality to face.
3. The First Word
Ezra’s first word was “Dada” at around 8 months he started spouting off “dadadada” constantly, and it wasn’t until month ten or so he started with “Mum” not mama, just Mum. This was a standout moment because all of a sudden my baby wasn’t a baby anymore he was communicating and making sounds that other humans make. Since he started babbling he now says “tub” as he bursts into the bathroom and pulls himself to stand next to the tub regardless of what time of day it is. He says “bub” and “dum” similar noises that don’t really mean anything, but it’s exciting because it started the transition from baby to toddler, our tiny human is turning into a tiny man, soon enough he’ll be yelling about snacks and everything else under the sun, but for now we enjoy listening to his sleepy “dadadada” as he drifts off to dreamland every night.
Now that I think of it, I’d need a whole anthology to truly capture every moment that stuck out from this past year, but these three have always been the most prominent. With our first year coming to a close, I look forward to continue watching Ezra grow and explore, and am proud of not only who he is becoming as a child, but who we are becoming as parents. Life is tough, parenting is tougher, but those small silver lining moments make it all worth it at the end of the day.